sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
