Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
