Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
