That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
