Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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