Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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