lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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