it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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