Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
