first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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