I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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