Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
