I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
