Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
