He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
