Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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