my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
