yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
