It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
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She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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