you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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