no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
tell me about the eggs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
