smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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