apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..