For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
