You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
