I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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