my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is Oprah even human
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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