Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
