captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
