If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
