How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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