i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
