I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
