I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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