my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
