I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
