I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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