Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
