My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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