if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I want her autograph on my taint
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
