He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
