I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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