Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
