So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
