Sry I called you an 8
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
