Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
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You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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