i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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