I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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