Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
