There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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