You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
