Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
