I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
