Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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