Small penises have feelings too.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
