I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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