made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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