So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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