and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
