I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
