I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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