I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
