Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
